I’ve always been perceived as an extrovert and I’m not denying that part of me actually is but I for one am certain I’m more of an introvert in many aspects and it’s only been of recent weeks that I’ve realised this. I always feel like I’m battling with myself in some way and this is it, I act like an extrovert and think like an introvert. I do what I believe is expected of me but what I really want to do is of complete opposite.
Over the last 5 or so years (my most crucial years) blossoming from a teenager to an adult, ticking of some milestones; finishing my final years of education all the way through to university. Getting my first proper job, starting to travel the world, making solid foundations with different groups of friends and making plans and following my dreams… I could sit here and list 100 reasons why I consider myself to be slap bang in the middle of the two, I don’t even know when I’m coming or going myself as it’s all very temperamental. Depending on my mood, the environment I’m in, the situation and many other factors I’ll just feel different and then go on to decide if I want to participate in day-to-day life with myself or other people.
I am troubled with anxiety and I do wonder if that’s what’s caused me to ‘think like an introvert’ maybe that’s deprived me of being the extrovert that myself and others thought I was. I say deprived like it’s a bad thing but I feel grateful that I’m able to change between the two and know when I want to do me…I’ve seen a lot of people talk about their personal experiences and some people make it seem like it’s a BAD thing but I want to change that perception.
The Benefits of Being Between The Two
Introverts are supposedly meant to be the ‘shy, quiet ones’ and extroverts are supposed to be the outgoing loud ones, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Socialising is one of my favourite things to do, it’s what I’m good at; I love to meet new people and I love going out OUT. It makes the extrovert in me feel energised ( minus the intoxication ) and inspired, there’s personally nothing better than being around your favourite people, I also get major FOMO so I kinda want to be everywhere all of the time, my anxiety also tells me that if I’m not there I’ll be missing out HOWEVER the introvert in me finds it exhausting, I love to be alone mostly doing nothing but as long as I’m having me time whatever that is then that’s what inspires me the most.
Personally I think it’s great to be able to take myself away from social situations, I’ve learnt how to give myself down time and some ‘self-love’ even if a big part of me is battling with the thought of doing so. I could preach here forever telling you all how important it is to have alone time, understandably people struggle to do this but I would strongly advise it.
I love to talk, I’m also good at that too but throughout stages in my life I’ve found it difficult to talk out when I probably needed to the most. Throughout all the years in school-university, I never put my hand up in class to answer or ask questions, I hated reading out loud to the class and never wanted to say whatever was on my mind even when I knew I had a good response or a question that needed to be answered, I really regret that.
I deal with things by myself without talking about it to others, of course I let it all blow up. It’s not about being shy…it’s just what I prefer but I’m open arms to anyone that wants talk, when I feel it’s right for me to talk then of course I’ll fire away. The other half of me LOVES silence, I like to take walks and be in a moment with no words being said, I’d love to have a mute button on people!
I’ve become a great listener and super observant, these are two of my personal strengths, there’s no doubt in my mind they’ve massively benefited me through various stages of my life especially now at the age of 23.
Doing things for myself and by myself is generally my number one preference.
I am very set in my own ways and have noticed myself that I’d rather just get things done how I like them done just to avoid any disappointment.
I have luckily always been very independent, I take hold of life with both hands, I’m extremely adaptable to new surroundings even if they test my limits a little (travelling has done this A LOT) I will put on a brave face sometimes and act like it’s all going swimmingly well but that’s not always the case…the introvert in me finds it bloody hard asking for help when I need it, I just don’t want to be a burden on anyone else but myself * and my poor parents *
This has benefited me as I’m self motivated and give myself the willpower to get shit done, I can/have upped and left to follow my dreams and it’s not even phased me. I have also realised that it’s not a bad thing asking for someones help, in fact it gets you where you need to be with a little more ease.
The point is we’re all very different, we can be and do whatever the hell we like. I’ve learnt a lot about myself in recent months and everything seems to make sense… travelling has been extremely challenging for me because of the above reasons, I get 0 time to myself and I have to work around others on their time. The best thing that’s happened out of this is that I’ve been able to highlight my personal strengths and weaknesses, I just wanted to advise anyone else that reads this that it’s okay to be either or; an introvert or an extrovert, there’s so many amazing lessons to be learnt from either.
The elements that make up an introvert and an extrovert balance each other out, that’s why it’s possible to be between the two and that’s why we probably work well with our opposites if we’re more one-sided.
Remember to never let anyone dull your sparkle let alone tell you how to think or act. Take notice of your body and what it wants from you and acknowledge your own personal strengths and weaknesses. Acting doesn’t mean it’s fake it’s just what you see on the outside, how I’m seen to other people but my thoughts are my own, does anyone else feel this or am I alone on this one?
I hope you all have an amazing weekend and plan for a great week ahead
My love, Becky x