Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t want my life any other way, as long as I keep moving in the right direction, doing what makes me happy then that’s all that matters, I love being a female and I love all that comes with it but if i’m honest it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be for me anyway… it does’t make me feel that great sometimes, I feel like I’m in an ongoing competition with myself and the person I feel like society expects me to be.
Motivated, Intelligent, Focused
OHHH and cute..
All of that and everything in between. I can only imagine you’ll roll your eyes at this or completely agree but I would like to highlight the reasons as to why I feel as though I need to be perfect & why I think being a female has a lot to do with it. You may not relate but hear me out…
Imagine a hierarchy, one that is made up of reasons as to why being a female makes me feel like I need to be perfect. Guess what’s right at the top….
Social media. Yep you know it. This whole post is probably self-explanatory but lets just talk about it for a couple of minutes. I’m not sure when the stressful desire started for me but I know for about 2 years I’ve gone to the extreme of crying over comparing my life with others from what I see online.
Why aren’t I that skinny?
Why don’t I own all of these nice clothes?
How do I seem to work THIS hard and so many hours but not getting anything to show for it?
The list goes on and on and on… are you still following? It’s easy to look at other people’s lives and believe they’re doing much better than you and that’s okay to a certain extent, be inspired by what others are doing not envious – I recently post about ‘Becoming you own inspiration’ and this is pretty relevant to the following so if you liked that one you’ll like this one.
This is no ones fault but my own, I set the bar really high for myself and I’m kicking myself for not achieving what I want when I want to, I do have to take a step back and appreciate everything I’ve achieved at 22. I do get ahead of myself and punish myself unnecessarily but I feel pressured more than ever to be constantly doing something, I can’t remember the last time I had a down day and stayed in my PJs, munched on snacks and watched films, I’m not joking I really can’t remember.
I’ve somewhat convinced myself that everyone around me expects me to be doing everything above and beyond what I already do so I feel like there’s a lot of pressure there.
I look at females everyday whether that’s in the streets on the way to work or on social media. I wake up everyday and one of my biggest struggles is choosing what to wear out of the little collection I do have, I wear the same outfits every week without fail. My lack of style is one of my biggest insecurities, I don’t feel comfortable wearing what I imagine to be a good outfit. I do however feel pressured to get out of my comfort zone and start dressing more of what I like rather than what I feel safe in (That isn’t at all a bad thing, that’s the kind of pressure I need) I do want to explore my options and I do want to create my unique style because I know it’s there it just scares me…
I am forever desiring what I see on the internet, forever wishing every single girls outfit on insta was mine, I get really bloody frustrated when it comes to my minimal wardrobe, when I say ‘I don’t have any clothes, I really don’t… I’ve been living out of a case and Ikea bag for the last year so. I’m consistently putting myself down about this and have convinced myself that I’m not as good as the girls I see on a day-to-day simply because I don’t dress like them.
Lets start with hair, I recently come across this fab post ‘More Than “Just Hair”? which was written by the lovely Chloe Plumstead and it made me reflect on my relationship with my hair and quite frankly it is shit. I hate my hair a lot. Again this is another insecurity of mine, I couldn’t possibly tell you a time I looked at my hair and liked it, it is dry and scruffy. I catch myself admiring how smooth and lovely other girls hair is, how perfectly it sits and styles and I just can’t seem to figure out why mine is the way it is…I do need to invest in it a little more but I gave up a long time ago.
Secondly, The face (Make up) I haven’t got a clue, I really don’t. Basic Becks back at it again….I know this post sounds like I’m hating on myself because I pretty much am but I’m convinced that I wouldn’t be so bothered if social media wasn’t such a big part of my life and I wasn’t forever absorbing what I see I wouldn’t feel so stressed about it all…
I would love to learn more about make up and learn how to apply it.
Maybe if I was a little more glamorous & girly I wouldn’t feel like a full-time foot. I just don’t know how to do more. All of my insecurities are subject to the way I feel about my outter appearance. Call me crazy but I often wonder if I miss out on opportunities because I might not look as pretty as other people.
I feel as though being a 22-year-old female I’m expected to look a certain way, being natural isn’t appreciated so I have this massive nag in my ear telling me I’m not good enough,
I guess I feel pressured to seek approval from society when really I need to just be confident and find approval within myself.
Career & Passion
Similar to my expectations, I have an intense and sometimes overwhelming determination to fulfill all of my short-term and long-term goals asap.
Let’s start with my passion for blogging, I’m almost ready to take the next step and push for the goals that I never really expected to make involving my hobby, I though I would just carry it out as a hobby forever you know? I now want to make something from it however the industry is thriving and I just don’t know how to stand out, I am being me but taking in all of the above points, I can’t be like every other successful blogger because I don’t do what they do, I feel pressured because I want to be like them and get the opportunities they’re all getting but I’m at war with myself because I’m trying to stay true to my values and i’m trying to make it being just me.
Secondly the vision for the dream career in the event industry is very clear, I know what I want and I know that I’ll get there but since leaving university I’ve been trying to prove to everyone watching that I went to university for the right reasons and it would benefit me and my desirable success. SO far, honestly eh… but I admit I’ve not put nowhere near as much effort into my work that I could’ve in the last 2 years.
As a young female hoping to make a change in the world somehow some day, I have put a lot of pressure on myself to not give up and keep pushing myself until I make it.
I feel somewhat obliged to influence other women my age or even older but most importantly girls younger than me, that we can do whatever we want whenever we want no matter how significant our dreams may seem.
We as women want equality alongside our beloved men especially when it comes to work and our finances so I’ve put it upon myself to show it can and will be done. I don’t want a basic life, I want people to admire the hard work and take inspiration from it, I think I’ve put this out so much that I’m too far into it to take a step back.
I do have my moments of simplicity and I do fear people will pick up on this and use it against me and pin me down to be ‘stupid’ even though I’m an intelligent person – the worry foe me is being classified as a typical Essex girl so my work ethic is to prove those types of people wrong, because believe me they exist!
Nevertheless these are all things I want for myself, they sometimes feel like a massive burden and I could stop it all at any time but I dont want too, I fear i’m not accepted by society but the contstant need to want to better myself isnt much of a problem when you look at the bigger picture – without the ‘pressure’ Nothing will come from it. I guess I fear I would would be somewhat inadequate if I wasnt like everyone else, how bizarre.
I want to be accepted for me just as I am, the more I reflect on the pressures of being a 22 year old female the more I realise I shouldn’t worry quite so much.
It might only be my insecurities that make me feel a certain way but to be a ‘proper female’ I feel there’s so much I need to do in order to classify as one of those.
I hope you enjoyed reading this, Let me know what you think… Do you face any pressures being a female? If so let me know what they are…
As I said I don’t expect everyone to understand or agree, they are my own ‘pressures’ so I’m not speaking on behalf of anyone else this is just how I feel about my own life. I am curious to find out whether or not you feel the same way too.
Much love B x