If you’ve been in a relationship then this might appeal to you, I don’t know if it happens to other generations but I’m fully aware of it happening to mine. It’s unfortunate that it happens way more than it should but it’s the harsh reality of social media and relationships.
I was inspired to do this post because of an Instagram story that was recently posted by @bethxlouisex – she basically told us that a guy had been explicitly messaging her but she then soon found out he had a partner, she screenshot the messages and luckily took to Instagram to seek advice, should she or should she not send them to the guys other half?
MY HOT TOPIC INSPIRATION
Instantly I thought of the situation and drew them with my own experiences, unfortunately I’ve been on the receiving end of this and have been the one to receive messages from girls with screenshots and proof of what an ex was sending them and I’ve messaged a girl about what her guy was doing.
I questioned my followers & asked whether or not they would message someones partner providing evidence of their other half being a little flirtatious, a little crude and possibly a little exposing through their dm’s. This was on the basis the couple were complete strangers to you, In this scenario you’re completely innocent even if you did exchange messages you were to then find out they had a partner.
To my surprise for the entire 24 hours the poll’s were up the choice between
‘Ignore them & do my thing’ or ‘Yes I will message their partner’ was pretty much on a 50:50 ratio, eventually all results swayed towards ‘Ignore & Do my thing’ but I did think I was going to have a fair and valid argument between both options.
I was actually very interested with the result even though it’s the choice I opted for myself, I received tonnes of messages with personal experiences & reasons as to why my followers chose they chose what they chose.
With a majority opting for no but the feisty others choosing yes – they’d tell, I wanted to share my own experiences and reasoning as to why I would not ignore the messages and do my thing.
Personal Scenario 1
I was in a very shitty relationship at 17 years old, you know that one where you thought you was in love and no matter what he/she would probably be the best thing that will ever happen to you even if they were actually very very horrible? YEAH one of them. I got a message from a girl and she’d actually put me in a group chat with a few of her friends and they all sent me pictures and messages of what he had been sending to them, it wasn’t nice but I wasn’t shocked, I knew it was happening and much worse may I add.
I thanked them and of course kept it to myself & kept quiet, I didn’t mention it to him and nor did I even batter an eyelid, I just accepted it. On the girls behalf they must have literally laughed at me behind my back, I was humiliated but I was at the time very vulnerable and scared of my boyfriend because like I said, he wasn’t a nice person.
Personal Scenario 2
For some reason I attract guys with girlfriends but they are secret girlfriends, I just have this awful experience far too many times and after this encounter I’ve not once mentioned it to another female. I was literally seeing a guy quite regularly, I would meet him for dinner, go on dates, met his mum and would even see his friends – Long story short I found out he had a partner of 4 years, at first I was unsure if I was the side bit or if she was (obviously now I know it was me) Out of anger I told her and my god did it backlash; I was harassed and intimidated for weeks on end like it was my fault, I was made to look extremely silly and of course I got emotionally hurt in the process.
It’s hard for me because I’m a down right decent and very honest person so I respect anyone and everyone but I’ve learnt not to involve myself in other people’s relationships & their private business. it’s a bitter-sweet feeling but i’m glad I’ve experienced it to be able to share my experiences with you. There are many reasons as to why I believe you shouldn’t tell the other person unless you feel you really have to or if you feel you have the right to do so.
Throughout the research a gentleman approached me and said that he wouldn’t message the other person but would correct the one in the wrong and tell them that they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing, He said also said that ‘through experience and a moment of madness in a dark area of his relationship he messaged a few people and instantly regretted it – He said he would’ve been torn apart if someone told his partner as he knows that would’ve broken their relationship forever’
I kinda agree… I’ve never done anything in the heat of the moment but I completely get what he was saying.
“If someone messages me or my friends whilst in a relationship BEST BELIEVE i’m messaging their girlfriend with screenshots”
We’re all different, I guess if it will benefit you and make you feel better then you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do
“I was talking to a guy that’s now one of my best mates for a year, Facetiming the lot – turns out he had a long distance relationship. I stopped all communication and never told her, Girls always hate the girls in the end and end up back with the guys so it’ll only cause a week of unnecessary drama!
Yes, I feel this 100%
“I had a situation where I actually slept with a guy and didn’t know he had a girlfriend, when I found out I told her (complete stranger to me) and she still stayed with him & she was nice to me about the situation, it had me second thinking and maybe I should have kept my mouth shut because she wasn’t surprised anyway”
“Fuck that don’t be messy, they’ll get caught out eventually – don’t worry about anyone else and their business, if you’re innocent then leave it
“My ex from when I was 16 messages me all the time even though he has a new girlfriend, it’s harmless but I know if I told her it would look like I’m trying to destroy their relationship”
Yep, you really will!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST!
“Years ago I was seeing a guy, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend, people came up to me thinking I was his girlfriend and told me they’d slept with him the week before, I found out he had an actual girlfriend that worked in the club we used to go and she even see us together, he turned it on me and made out I was lying so I sent the screenshots to her and she still chose to believe him and stay with him for a few years”
Unless you’ve been in the situation or experienced it, it’s actually hard to say what you’d do.. Given the circumstance due to both of my personal experiences I’ve learnt that it’s best to be keep quiet, tell the person that they’re in the wrong, ignore them and move on.
This was a really interesting research and I loved hearing your thoughts. Being able to share this is great because no doubt people will read this from all aspects of the issue; those that feel guilty for not telling and those that don’t feel guilty, the dirty dogs in the relationship sexting other people and those unfortunate ones that have been sent screenshots of their partners poor decisions.
So from every aspect just know you’re not alone it happens far too much too much to a large majority of us – Don’t feel guilty for not telling, Don’t feel paranoid of what your other half gets up to because they’ll eventually get caught out (be wise) & think about what you’re doing before you actually do it… It’s a vicious cycle & unfortunately it’s one of the many negatives of social media & relationships, It’s extremely toxic!
I hope you’ve enjoyed the read, What would you do? What are your thoughts? Leave a comment below & also let me know what you’d like to see next.
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